Let the train take the strain!

In recent weeks the Government and ITV news have been educating us lesser mortals about saving the planet, using public transport etc - which I absolutely agree with. However the ideal of this appears to be out of reach to skint, jobbing actors such as myself as I discovered.

My conscience was pricked - I had to be green. With a casting in London the following afternoon, the train was the place to start and I got on the net. After locating a site that sold tickets I filled in all my details (the site struggled more than Jensen Button's engine at the recent Australian Grand Prix) and, to my disbelief it quoted me an astounding £156.00! After I stopped laughing I thought: "Right - I'll try the phone!" - use the personal touch. (Has anyone else discovered that if you call a train company three times you get three different prices?)

After fighting my way through the usual mind numbing switchboard of press one for operator, press two for operator with brain, press three for man in India who won't understand you, it was down to business. Which station are you traveling from? Tempted to reply "second star on the right and straight on till morning" I thought that,perhaps, my sense of humour might not be well received and I'd better play it straight. After a barrage of quick fire questions that Anne Diamond would be proud of (and no my Boots Advantage Card is not accepted as railcard) I was quoted more than the online price!

"Oh?" says I in my best management style voice (patronising), "Aren't there any cheaper tickets left? I'm not, after all (smile), traveling during peak time?" There's a lightly confused silence and then an equally management style voice (patronising - I couldn't blame her as I started it) said "Oh yes, but only if you book 14 working days in advance." She was not swayed by my argument of securing the audition 1 hour previous to this strained conversation, or that I was positive the casting director wouldn't wait two weeks for me to get to London. Even my carefully rehearsed lecture entitled: 'What I've learned from New Labour about greenhouse gases and global warming' did not soften her corporate resolve. I had to admit defeat.

With my dreams of being 'enviromentally responsible' in tatters, it was back to sandwiches and cigarettes in Reg the flying Punto, who incidentally has now done the equivalent millage of 4 times around the Earth. He faithfully took me to London in under 3 hours at a bargin price of £43.50 - £7.00 of which was spent using the M6 Toll road but don't get me started on that!