Definition Of The Lesser Spotted Luvvie.

...I'd rather rip my own arm off and hit myself with the soggy end than spend any time at all with that peculiar breed of act-tor called the Luvvie.

Luvvies are the type of actors that talk loudly, even at funerals, in a booming voice and wait for people's heads to turn. They constantly prattle on about roles that they've done and clang continuously about famous celebrities that they've worked with, calling them by shortened, irritating pet names like "Larry"or "Ed" or "Tula." They have an annoying habit of, when finding out they are talking to another actor/tress, immediately asking: "So what are you working on now then?" in a condescending manner and then they intensely pretend to listen to your answer. They have a propensity to stand as if posing for a Spotlight portrait. They use words like fabulous, super, fellow thespians and darling (with a drawn out rrrrrr). The males, more often than not have facial hair, have played Prospero or Lear (without any great depth of character probing) and like to drink Marks & Spencer Port "for the voice you know!"

The female of the Luvvie is usually adorned with some sort of shawl and floppy hat. She likes to hug people and air kiss them as many as 3 times whilst saying: "So good to see you again, so lovely to be back." This lets you instantly know that you are on her turf, she will smile patronisingly whilst offering to show you round and be your mentor, she means it kindly but also enjoys that level of control. She's a huge fan of the enviroment and herbal tea and will probably try to convert you. She will definitely mention "drinkies" after rehearsals but be aware that she may exclude the ordinary actress, such as myself, in favour of someone of comparable lovvieness. Do not be offended at this, you're much better off, they are easily affected by alcohol and then really revert to Luvvie type!

Do post if you spot one as they can be (wishful thinking) quite rare these days.