What Would Bill Say?

As the late, great Bill Hicks advised the clones of advertising "By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising...kill yourself. Thank you. Just planting seeds, planting seeds is all I'm doing. No joke here, really. Seriously, kill yourself, you have no rationalisation for what you do, you are Satan's little helpers. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now." Well it seems to me he had a point.

There are the good ads, the bad ads and the ads so terribly annoying that they make you want to throw your own arm at the TV. And I should know - I think I've appeared in most of them. Obviously I can't name any of the aforementioned great works of advertising- otherwise it says who I am - duh!

However, let us explore the creative forces behind such epics as "mastication for the nation" or "feel like a lift" or "debts getting you down". How does that work? A room full of bright (so called) intelligent people sat around a table, paid an obscene amount of dosh to come up with a brilliant marketing idea. Sounds simple enough doesn't it? So how do they get away with producing what can only be described as "brain farts"? ("...Kill yourself now...")

As for my own contribution, I must admit the thought has crossed my mind when, at silly o'clock in the morning I'm confronted with a thinktank type creative consultant explaining the rehash of a previous idea to me. And again when trying doggedly to prove to the ad company that the TVRs they've paid me for don't match the times it's been on the telly. However, killing myself would not change the system and thou I hate to admit it I have needed the money to feed my family.

I guess the only honest way to reconcile myself is to conveniently forget some (not all) of the companies I've worked for and develop a conscience once I'm at the top! Apologies to all of you that have been annoyed by my dulcet tones selling you stuff you don't need but as you don't know which adverts I've been in, maybe I'll get away with it?...

I think Bill was clever enough to understand.